A Haute New Year!

Every New Year brings about an opportunity to start out fresh and explore something new and different. As 2012 gets underway, I’ve discovered things that are moving me closer to a life that I had one only imagined. And thanks to some wonderful news and signs from the universe… things are well on their way to coming true. But the journey is the real story because just when you start to doubt, you change the course of your life. If you make a decision to stay positive and ride the wave, as my friend Crystal tells me… magic and miracles really do happen.

As you move closer to your true self, you’ll discover that a lot of things and people that once occupied space in your life will suddenly be removed. There’s a season for everything and a reason for it all… if you pay attention you’ll understand why things move progressively in your favor once you open your heart. Just know that no matter what happens—you’re equipped to handle it.

Starting today focus on your destination, listen to your inner voice and let your intuition guide you. When you start to see visions of your life ahead that’s a sign that everything is coming true. Change is in the air… and last Monday’s full moon confirmed it because it was a “wishing” moon. Everything that you’ve always wanted is within reach… you just have to trust and believe that you can have it. The choice is always yours. Here’s to a haute New Year!

What's ahead for you in 2012?

Laughter is HAUTE!

This morning a friend’s call got me out of bed… catching up can be good for the soul. But one thing that resonated with me was her observation about my life. I’ve known her for more than 20 years and she’s always been extremely honest. So it’s no surprise when she told me that she observed something about me that I never thought about… my ability to make laughter a staple in my life. She said, “I saw you in a photo with someone and the two of you were laughing!” And based on that fact alone… she concluded that we must have a great friendship. Well, it happened to be somebody that I had just met the day before and even though that photo was taken months ago during one of my trips… she’s right. As I’ve said before, travel opens up a unique opportunity for me to meet all kinds of people. Because I enjoy meeting people, I tend to draw like-minded people into my zone and if we click or vibe… we stay in touch!

My friend also said that the next time she gets into a relationship; my photo reminded her that there has to be a degree of laughter that’s part of open, honest communication. So now, she’s got me to thinking about that… I’m always laughing at something so for me it wasn’t anything that I thought about. But after that conversation, I realized that laughing out loud with people is the best way to stay healthy, happy and sane. And when you’re in a relationship with someone special—it has to be a requirement. My relationship with men has always been one where I can be comfortable enough to laugh at myself. Silly? No, but fun and light-hearted conversation that’s good for the heart. Oh well, maybe a degree of silliness! Lol Who am I kidding? Life is serious enough so make it count by filling your circle with people who make you laugh and smile no matter what’s going on around you because you just never know who may be watching. Remember, active plus happy equals attractive!

Who makes you laugh out loud?

Embracing the Love of Friendship is HAUTE!

When it’s time to escape, it’s time to get away to some place haute, but sometimes no matter where I am… I can’t escape what’s on my mind. When something weights heavily, I find that I’m forced to deal with it. I’m not the type to compartmentalize like some people. But when real emotions start to come out… I’m grateful that my friends lift my spirits to make me stronger and wiser. As a result, I can approach whatever is unpleasant or that lesson in progress with clarity. Their strength offers a shoulder and the understanding that I have to resist the temptation of trying to control something that I have no control over so I learn to let go and trust the process.

I’m one of the lucky ones to have a friend who is half way around the world call me on a tropical island to say something that empowers me or laugh out loud at another friend who sends me text messages with jokes mixed with “real talk” to help me understand that my life is shifting in ways that I may not understand, but I’m better for it. One of my friends of many years always asks the same question… “What’s the lesson?”

 

It’s an amazing feeling to know that no matter where I am… I’m never really alone. I’ve always found that friendship and time are the two biggest investments that I can make in people. And you never know when you’ll need to cash in so I try hard to pick my friends carefully. When the storms come along… you’ll need someone to shield you from whatever makes you hurt… with a promise that everything will be alright again. Your real friends show up to support… show empathy, compassion and love. They guide you through the disappointments of life to carve out a place of acceptance, while pointing you in a new direction… helping you get back to the right path. But they also understand that what works for them may not work for me so they allow me to have my own process and victories… they always say examine your heart… and that’s when something remarkable happens. As the process unfolds, the confusion, disappointments and hurts unravel to reveal a life full of endless possibilities to remind me of my own specialness and blessings. “The past always serves the future and a foundation for all the days that follow.” So I’m trying harder to live and love in the moment… and when the storms come along learn to dance in the rain.

To my friends, you know who you are… you matter to me more than you know. Everyone deserves friends like you.

What kind of friend are you?

Being Beautiful is HAUTE!

There’s something about a man who tells me that I’m beautiful… he makes me smile. I’ve heard a lot of conversation lately about an article that expresses a particular take on whether black women are beautiful. I must be one of a few women who thought nothing of it. In fact, I had a conversation with a few girlfriends who had different opinions about it. I just really don’t get plugged into debates like that because it’s pointless. People can have the right to their own thoughts but at the end of the day that old saying rings true “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Well, over the course of my life I’ve had men tell me that I was attractive to them. I’ll never forget when some of them (who are fathers with daughters) would pay me the highest compliment… they told me that they wanted their girls to grow up and be just like me. When a man tells you that—it’s mind blowing because men are extremely protective of their baby girls. I often asked them why and generally it had to do with a couple of things… the fact that I live life on my own terms and I value and validate black men who allow me into their world uncensored. They respect and value my friendship often as a result of unspoken shared experiences… it’s about loyalty, trust, and bringing peace into a world full of drama and rejection.

Recently, someone reminded me that I was “Beautiful” to him and made a point to say you’re enough just the way that you are so don’t try to change based on what you think someone else wants you to be. Well, when I saw his note it made me think about something else that I read recently… when a man says you’re sexy; he’s telling you that you’re physically desirable. But when he tells you that you’re pretty… it means that you’re attractive to him. However, when he gets past those two things and looks into your heart and soul—you’re beautiful to him. Being beautiful to a man means that your entire being makes you extraordinary in ways that really matter. You’re not only pretty and sexy but you glow! Your confidence, inner vixen, charm and intelligence is a compliment to even the sexiest man on the planet—you enhance him! Think about it... why opt to use the word beautiful instead of pretty or cute :)?  

When I mentioned these thoughts to my female friends they came back with… “Do you need a man to tell you that you’re beautiful to feel it?” In response, no, I don’t need a man to tell me that because my confidence level is pretty high plus my mother and friends co-sign often, but let’s face it if a man that matters to you or that you find attractive or desirable offers a level of validation that every human-being innately seeks (because we all want to be loved and accepted as we are)… then that’s powerful. Sometimes I don’t feel pretty or cute but when someone who sees me on one of my “what I think is my not so good day” says to me I think that you look amazing… it validates me and instantly changes my view of myself. We all need cheerleaders. I think that if more black men or men who love black women told us that we’re beautiful… articles that seek to reinforce the opposite would never have some women questioning their worth, value or beauty… it wouldn’t stir anger because we already know those who truly matter will step up through their words and actions… and silence those critics . The focus instead would be on stepping into our own light and allowing our inner and outer beauty to shine with the men who love us smiling at just the thought of us!

What makes a women beautiful?

Rocking Your Curves is HAUTE!

No matter where I travel in the world, I represent the women who are thicker than super models, but just as beautiful.

My butt is bigger than most unless you live in the ATL... where thicker girls with hour glass figures rule! And that’s alright with me. I would often hide my assets with clothes that conceal but one day a man who made my heart smile asked, “Why do you hide it under a dress?” So when this guy who is super haute, sexy and smart encouraged me to let my curves out―I did! I figured if he was cosigning… I’m all over it!

Southern girls with killer curves, ample thighs, full lips and hips that sway know that the secret to being a confident woman starts with the mind. We also know that for those who walk behind us… we inspire curiosity and acceptance. But for those who can’t get past our apple bottoms (two words) don’t hate!

 

As I travel the globe, I’m rocking my curves… whether in New York City, London, Paris or the Caribbean. I hope to represent girls like me who once thought that containing our best asset was the best way to be taken seriously because you want men to look at you (above the neck) when you’re talking. But as I’ve learned it’s all about how you present the total package… be unapologetically the best you possible. So go ahead be a bombshell with brains! Rock your curves, celebrate what makes you different and watch the world take notice.

Disclaimer: This post was inspired by a Nike ad… http://www.nikeblog.com/2010/07/26/new-nike-women-ad-my-butt-is-big/

In this photo I'm wearing a Gottex Katalist Shoulder Swimsuit courtesy of InStyle Swimwear at the exclusive Half Moon Resort in Montego Bay, Jamaica. To order visit http://www.instyleswimwear.com/

Use this discount code HauteTravels15 to receive 15% off you entire order from Instyle Swimwear!

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What's your best asset?

My Haute Thoughts on My Value, Respect and Worth

I’ve come to the conclusion that some relationships must end, particularly when you put your heart and soul into a story and your work is taken for granted. It seems like the week has been extremely long but when the truth comes out the best thing to do is face it. As such, I’ve decided that I can no longer work with a publisher who doesn’t value my contribution, my work or my time. Recently, I noticed that I had not been paid for an article that I wrote nearly six months ago even though it had been published. Under my contract agreement, my check was about 20 days late and no one in accounts payable with the magazine would return my emails, acknowledge receipt of my invoice or give me any idea of when to expect payment. As an independent consultant and writer, I can’t operate my business or life in limbo. So I took a tougher approach and sent a letter outlining my intentions on collection. Well, that got the attention of the publisher who decided to defend his breach of contract actions with his advertisers had not paid him explanation. My response, “I don’t have a contract with your advertisers.”

The entire incident started a conversation among my friends and I about the dynamics between men and women and how they measure value and worth. Men generally ask for what they want in business and relationships and get it. While, women (typically) take the approach that someone will recognize our hard work and reward us for it… no conversation needed on our part. But that’s not how it works… unless you’re willing to ask for what you need and deserve because you understand your value—you’re not going to get it. Yes, it’s taking a risk because people who don’t value you will show you who they are immediately. They may not want to work with you once you make your case. But in my mind, that’s fine because if you can’t honor your agreement then I can’t work with you anyway.

In my situation, the publisher turned no communication into “where should I send your money” within 24 hours. As a result, my relationship with the magazine has ended because there was a breach of contract more than once, but the value of the experience is priceless. I think that when you take a stand, make your case and prepare to walk away from a relationship that doesn’t honor or value you—you win. By not being afraid to have the conversation, I not only got the answers and results that I sought but I got rid of the stress and drama that bad relationships bring on. You can say this is how I stay healthy, wealthy and wise!

My advice to women who face similar challenges… know and value your worth, don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations, take your emotions out of it… and never be afraid to walk away from a relationship or business deal that doesn’t serve you well. Letting go opens the door to someone who will respect you and pay you on time!

Has this ever happened to you?

My Haute Thoughts on Friendship

When it comes to friendship it should be a two-way street, but lately I’m finding most people don’t get it. Since I’ve taken on a more visible role as a journalist by starting a blog and entering into the fascinating world of social media, I seem to attract people who think that they can extract my contacts and resources without giving something back. I find these people to be opportunists and incapable of being a true friend. So when the truth reveals itself… I take notes. I have learned to love or like people from a distance and rid myself of anything that’s toxic. I wouldn’t say these people are bad, but they have misguided intentions and may not value and protect friendship the same way that I do. They see my network and start adding up the net worth to figure out how they can benefit from it with no return on investment. As a result, I chose not to spend my time with them. It’s not always easy to draw such hard lines but it’s necessary to maintain my sanity.

My tried and true friends tell me that I’m too trusting and extremely kind… I can’t help it—I’m a Pisces and we tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves. But we’re not pushovers! So when I start to notice your pattern, I course correct.

 This is what you should know about me… I work smarter so I can play hard. I travel the world because it inspires me to be better than I am. I fiercely protect my friendships because they matter to me. I will never allow someone to use me and be ok with it. I create my own opportunities and help others when I can. I don’t focus on what you have because I’m too busy building my own empire.

It’s not easy to do what I do but it’s the price that I pay to follow my passion and encourage others to live their dreams. I wish everybody who has entered my life and had to go the best… I really do. I just can’t participate in your one-sided view of “friendship” because that doesn’t honor me. So live your life and know that you have taught me a lesson that is more valuable than you will ever know… and for that I’m grateful to have known you. But the expiration date on your friendship and loyalty has expired.

What's your view on friendship?

The Passion is in the Risk!

I love the line from the movie, When in Rome, “The passion is in the risk!” The movie is about an ambitious New York woman who gives up on love until it finds her in Rome and follows her back to NYC! But that line really has different meanings for me. When I think of passion and risk, I also think of doing something that most people would never try... because most people are just not risk takers. But thanks to a certain someone who said, “I hope you do it.” The universe has given me everything that I need to make this amazing undertaking possible. I smile every time I think of my team from New York to Miami who love my ideas so much that they have not only brought in their own genius but their personal and professional contacts to help make this adventure one that we’ll all walk away feeling good about.
 
So if you’re thinking of taking a risk… “I hope you do it!” Great risks have the potential to yield great rewards. Once you take a step forward… everything that you need will find its way into your life so that you can accomplish your goal. Just dream bigger and surround yourself with other risk takers who inspire, motivate and bring the best out of you! Let your imagination take you places that you never thought were possible and watch the world embrace you with open arms. I’m living proof!

What are you thinking of doing that's ambitious?

My Haute Thoughts to Live By

I’m PASSIONATE about travel, writing, life, ART, design, my loves, my friends and family. I DREAM bigger because I don’t know how not to. PASSION makes me crazy but there really isn’t any other way for me to LIVE. I attract those into my life who are on the same path of fulfillment, passion, DESTINY and giving. My IMAGINATION is my greatest teacher. My VISION for my life pales in comparison to the one the universe has for me. I take risks because that’s how I GROW. I learn from my mentors, life and career coaches that I am more POWERFUL than I know. I pass on my lessons to others because it’s the price I pay for SUCCESS. I know that the people who INSPIRE and motivate me to take risks are really offering me a clue as to what my DESTINY has in store. I am a friend of COURAGE so that I can live my own TRUTH. I believe that FATE is taking me where I’m suppose to be. I’m the peace and comfort that someone else seeks. When he CHALLENGED me to do something ambitious… I never hesitated; I just started thinking. I live my life without limits because there’s no end to what my mind envisions for me. VISION is powerful that’s why my future looks so bright! My thoughts are filled with HAPPINESS, Excitement, JOY, Gratitude and LOVE! I am MANIFESTING my future by taking ACTION now. I focus on what I want because it EXPANDS, feeds and sustains me. This is the script for my life… what an amazing story!

What are thoughts that you live by?